Spring
1996
Bread and Fishes
John Wright Follette.
The Lord has placed within us the ability to worship as the
means to find satisfaction for the deep inner longing that
is resident within each one of us. This worship is to flow
out from our inner depths, upward to the Lord, as we recognize
that He alone is able to satisfy this hunger.
To worship in spirit and truth does not negate our use of
form or structure. Rather, it has to do with the motivation
of our heart in relation to these, that our seeking and worship
is toward the Lord, alone.
I remember my first hungering for spiritual truth. I expressed
this to those I thought would give spiritual guidance, and
I was told that I needed a good education. I followed their
recommendation and discovered many interesting things, but
none of these satisfied my inner longing for spiritual reality.
I had been sent to an earthly village to seek food to satisfy
the heavenly hunger that was within me. Therefore, I returned
still hungry. This has been repeated all too many times in
the lives of those who are spiritually hungry.
When faced with a need that was beyond their ability, the
disciples of Jesus also sought a tangible, earthly solution.
"And evening coming on, His disciples came to
Him, saying, the place is deserted and the time
has already gone by. Send the crowd away so that
they may go into the villages and buy food for
themselves" Matt 14:15.
Jesus had a better answer, "They do not need to leave,
you give them something to eat" Matt 14:16b. Immediately,
the disciples began to count their limitations - the five
loaves and two fishes that were available. But Jesus had the
answer to this problem. He said, "Bring them here to
Me."
This represents a surrender of all that we possess. It is
important that we stop counting our limitations, as the Lord
knew about them before He asked us to feed others. We will
never have sufficient to meet the need. Many fail at this
point as they cannot see beyond their limited abilities and
take a step of faith. Instead, they go to the "villages"
seeking a seemingly easier way, which will never meet their
real need.
Jesus is yet asking us, "Would you dare to surrender
all to me?" He knows how limited we are, but our willingness
is all He requires. However, it must be unconditionally placed
in His hands.
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires
to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up
his cross and follow Me. For whoever desires to save
his life shall lose it, and whoever desires to loose
his life for My sake shall find it" Matt 16:24-25.
An indication of spiritual maturity is our ability to become
detached from things. If we cling to anything, it will hinder,
or destroy the work that the Lord is seeking to accomplish
within us. When Jesus asks us to bring to Him the "fish"
that we have, we usually respond, "Lord, these fish do
not amount to much." But He already knows that; all He
is asking is that we give what we have to Him.
Before the Lord filled me with His Holy Spirit, He put me
through a most grueling consecration. He was preparing the
"soil" of my inner being that I might receive all
that He had for me. One evening, He closed me in to Himself
until three o'clock in the morning. I had never experienced
anything like this as I had no prior understanding concerning
the powerful groaning for God that was finding its expression
through me.
I did not know that God could communicate with me, as I had
not been taught these things. But somehow I knew that I was
experiencing the presence of the Lord dealing with my spirit.
When this began, it was not concerning sin or failure, as
these had previously been dealt with. Rather, He was dealing
with the legitimate issues of my life.
During this special time in His presence, I placed the Lord
first in my life and unconditionally "buried" each
member of my family. There was such a sense of victory and
triumph. I had always liked intellectual things. Jesus said,
"You are to surrender that." He took my social life,
along with all that I desired to do and have. During this
time, He was saying, "Will you fall into my hands? All
I want is to possess you."
I did not repeat my past mistake and go to another village.
Rather, I brought the deep spiritual hunger that was within
me and placed it in His hands alone, trusting that He would
do the rest.
As I brought these things, one by one, to the Lord, He accepted
them and broke each of them into worthlessness. No one of
us wants our lives wrecked, as self-preservation is all too
present. But He was saying to me, "I cannot feed this
hunger that is within you unless you first bring to me all
that you have." As I have done this over and over again,
He has multiplied and given it back to me, to pass out to
the multitudes.
When I finally surrendered on His terms, it was the most
real thing I have ever experienced. It seemingly wrecked my
life by absolutely taking from me everything I had desired.
I was as empty as a barrel with both ends knocked out. Then
the next night, He filled me with the Baptism in the Holy
Spirit.
When we give Him the inadequate bread and fish that we have,
He uses these identical things, but they no longer function
under the impulse and limitations of the Adamic, as they are
now multiplied and blessed of God.
This depth of surrender is never easy for any one of us.
It may require the sustained dealings of the Lord until we
are willing to place all that we have into His hands. We are
not to publish our sufferings, rather we are to mask them.
This is not deceptive, rather it is Scriptural.
"But you, when you fast, anoint your head, and
wash your face; so that you do not appear to
men to fast, but to your Father in secret. And
your Father who sees in secret shall reward
you openly" Matt 6:17-18.
When we are called upon to fast, we are to anoint our face
with oil so we do not appear to be fasting. As He deals with
us to place everything in His hands, He will lead us through
many difficult experiences that we might fully enter into,
and understand the "fellowship of His sufferings."
He will only do this when He can trust us to not turn aside
to the villages.
Only then will we be able to impart to others the rich deposit
which we received through our sufferings.
People say, "Where do you get all these things?"
The "bread and fish" that I have comes through deep
sufferings; then the Lord uses these very things to feed others
a full and rich meal. But the sufferings remain masked.
The villages will never satisfy us. Placing our limited resources
in His hands will bring eternal satisfaction to multitudes.